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The Polaroid.

Wanted to share-A moment I'll never forget...The first time I saw someone purchase my jersey. Won't lie, it got to me. 

I remember being 8 and dreaming of moments like these. I'll never take these things for granted. And I made a promise I would never give up. 
New post//link in bio. 

I've found lots of time to write lately. So here it goes!

Throughout the season one of the things I found the greatest joys in are gamedays. Obviously! It's a day where we get to see our hard work pay off but most importantly, have fun. Oh, and win. This team sure does know how to win. And winning is also really fun.

For me, I really enjoy seeing all the fans after the game. It feels personal for me.

I very vividly remember being eight years old and getting to be a ball-girl for the Lee's Summit North High School Varsity soccer team. Wednesdays were truly my favorite day of the week. I wore my t-shirt to school every game day. It was a quote picked out by, in my opinion, one of the greatest soccer coaches i ever had. He picked the quote by Tommy Lasorda. "The difference between the possible and the impossible lies within ones determination." A quote I have never, ever forgotten. So, eight year old Caroline would gear up for the game, always early. Watched warmups. And stood behind the team during the National Anthem. I thought they were the freaking National Team. It was my dream to be a Varsity captain for that school.

Years later, I would. But I was so hungry for the next level, never satisfied, and lost sight for awhile of the little eight year old girl who was dying to play Varsity. Lost sight of why I played and who I was.

My freshmen year of college soccer was ripped away from me. I was released from the team and didn't even finish my first year of college soccer. (A story I'm not ready to share yet. But absolutely will one day.) So 18 year old me  thought I would never play again. When a literal miracle happenened and I was given the opportunity to play again for USC. And through the experience I found the clarity that I needed.  I cherished those moments after games when a small fan asks for a picture, or a high five. It brought me back.

For me, the dream has always been the same. Ever since I was in  third grade. I just needed to remember the quote I once wore across my back as an eight year old. The dream, and what I need to make it come true lies within me.

Rewind back to my point. After games I usually give a glove to the last kid at the stadium. For a few reasons. I know I'm a nobody in the soccer world right now, but that kid came to the game and for whatever reason, they're the last one there. They just want a high five, a picture, or their program autographed. So I give them a glove in hopes to make that long car ride home through traffic a little more bearable for their  parents who stayed so late (this is Seattle and its raining by this time a lot) and for that kid to have something to remember the game by.

One game in particular, I gave my glove to a very shy, sweet little girl named Anica who said it was her very first game.

I then saw her at every single game following that night.

We did a VIP event for season ticket holders a little while back.. She showed up at my table for an autgraph and a picture. And she had something else. A goalkeeper jersey. And when I flipped it over to sign it, I realized that it was the number 12. My number. I kind of froze for a second because I've only seen that jersey in my locker or on my back.

I'll be honest, I'm not too prideful to say it took a lot in me not to tear up.
She said, "I saved the number part for you to sign." and I just shook my head and thanked her, and her parents for being so supportive.

After our game against Houston, Fletch and I spoke to a group of people and gave them our testimonies. We talked a little about our journey with soccer, and with the Lord. I was taking about the blind faith I had in Christ when taking a huge risk of leaving college and moving to Seattle to try to secure a spot o the the team when I noticed a little girl kind of peering from behind someone. It was Anica.

After we answered some questions and took pictures I walked over to her and gave her a hug. Her dad asked if we could take a picture. She unfolded my jersey and it had all of my teammates signatures on it. I smiled and her dad shook the poloroid and handed it to me.

Its now in my bible as a bookmark on one of my favorite verses as a reminder of how big the small things can be.

As I walked away that night, one of the last people off the field, I shed a few tears thinking about how merciful our God is. The amount of grace he has given to me The way he has given me the
strength to pursue a dream that I thought would never be possible. 
And I teared up thinking about eight-year old me, And how stoked she'd be if someone told her that yes, one day you will play Varsity. You'll also represent your country, play for an amazing college, and then make it to the pros. 

I'm passionate. And after that day I vowed again to myself that I will absolutely make my dream come true. I have no choice. I won't accept anything less from myself. For I play for a million different  reasons. So this offseason I'll do just that. Every single day. I'll make sure I do details correctly. Push myself. And keep my dreams my goal in mind. And I'll try to make my little eight year old self proud. 

Comments

Unknown said…
I am a casual soccer fan and just found an excerpt from this on a soccer tumblr blog. I immediately Googled you because I wasn't sure who you are. I'm so glad I did: you are so inspiring to me as I am a high school athlete living out my faith. ❤️

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