I was recently asked to write for a new website called the Female Athlete Mission. So much of what they stand for is sisterhood, love, compassion, and obviously trying to live a faith-filled life. I wanted so badly to write about the bonds of sisterhood and how our relationships should reflect the acceptance and boundless love that we are shown by Jesus. I started writing but I felt a little tug on my heart.
I just wasn’t right. And I had no business writing this because of my personal life. There was a friendship that had been scorched by the fires of jealousy, insecurity, and just straight up pettiness. Ugh I hate to confess this. But pride hates to apologize.
Proverbs 15 says, “a gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” LOL I am not your tight lipped, sweet smiling, let you walk all over me type of Proverbs 31 woman. I have ALWAYS struggled with this mold I feel like I need to fit into in order to be deemed a “woman of God”. Where do I fit in? Who is like me? I grew up a Pastors’s kid and Lord knows I thought I had to be perfect growing up. I thought the straighter my hair, the more straight-laced I’d act, and the straighter my pathway to Heaven would be.
I am fiery, I am super emotional, and I have a bit of a temper. I’m not sure when this happened, because I specifically remember being a middle school girl who was brutally bullied and never once stood up for myself. If only I could go back and hug that little girl and say, “It’s okay sweetie, some people will shudder at your presence one day.” Or how about I look at her and honestly say, “It’s okay sweetie, that feeling you have will one day be pressed upon others, by you.” Oh…ouch. Um. Wait, what?
Yes, I have hurt people as we all have. I have gossiped, and Lord knows occasionally I have whipped out the biggest spoon you’ve ever seen to stir the pot. In my recent young-adult years I feel like I have gotten closer with the Lord. My relationship has matured and I’ve learned many things my heart would not have been receptive to years ago.
Speaking of being a Proverbs 31 woman. I never really thought through the characteristics spoken about in this verse in this way before.
“She is clothed with strength,” Strength. There is a million ways I could go into this. I’ll start with what I needed strength with recently. I needed strength to admit my wrongdoings. Strength to mend a long standing friendship. Strength to trim the fat of my life beginning with toxic relationships. Strength to stand up for my decisions. Strength to apologize. Strength to push my pride aside in order to rebuild trust.
“When she speaks her words are wise.” Well news flash, if my flesh is as sinful as I know it to be, my own words are not wise. They are often emotionally driven and not prayed over or thought out. Wisdom comes from the Lord. And when I ask for his wisdom often my thoughts and words are much more kind, and gentle.
A trip to the desert mountains showed me some new certain majesty of the cross. A life laid down in love in order for me to step aside and let the Lord move. And as he moves in me, I feel a shift in my heart. I feel a softness, and an urge to make things right with people. A conviction to be more compassionate and honest. My love tank was running a little low. But how amazing that we have this love. This fill-up was huge for me and the people in my life. I can now stretch my arms out a little wider to my sisters and pull them in, and walk beside them through life with a more genuine motive.
The chains of insecurity, jealousy, questioning others motives, and fear of being burned have been broken knowing that the Lord holds my heart. He holds it so gently and wants me to do the same with others. Oh man my heart is SWELLING with joy right now. Joy and passion. Passion for all the women in this world, young and old. It is HARD being a girl trying to find yourself in this world. I want the fires of life to put pressure on us to change from a black, ashamed, coal heart, to the precious diamonds the Lord made us in His image.
Be beautiful this week. From the inside out. Truly. I pray strength over your situations. I pray wisdom through your thoughts and decisions. And I pray peace over the storms in your life.
Love, your sister.
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